Funny Marriage Quotes

My wife told me we have to separate, the whites from the darks. Anonymous

Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years…. then we met. Anonymous

Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. Michel de Montaigne

No, please don’t eat me. I have a wife and kids,eat them.Homer Simpson

The real act of marriage takes place in the heart, not in the ballroom or church or synagogue. It’s a choice you make – not just on your wedding day, but over and over again – and that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife. Barbara De Angelis

There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about.Oscar Wilde

I believe marriage is between a man and a woman. I am not in favor of gay marriage. But when you start playing around with constitutions, just to prohibit somebody who cares about another person, it just seems to me that’s not what America’s about. Usually, our constitutions expand liberties, they don’t contract them. Barack Obama

Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife. Franz Schubert

Marriage is the most natural state of man, and… the state in which you will find solid happiness. Benjamin Franklin

Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads, which sew people together through the years. Simone Signoret

One should believe in marriage as in the immortality of the soul. Honore de Balzac

Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.Ogden Nash

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think. Anonymous

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. Maryon Pearson

Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway. Joey Adams

There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage. Martin Luther

It was the courts, of course, that took away prayer from our schools, that took away Bible reading from our schools. It’s the courts that gave us same-sex marriage. So it is quite a battlefield, and the Supreme Court is the highest court in the land. Rod Parsley

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. Mignon McLaughlin

A good husband makes a good wife. John Florio

When people get married because they think it’s a long-time love affair, they’ll be divorced very soon, because all love affairs end in disappointment. But marriage is a recognition of a spiritual identity. Joseph Campbell

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry. Oscar Wilde

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die. Johnny Carson

Marriage is a wonderful institution… but who wants to live in an institution? Groucho Marx

My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me. Winston Churchill

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Rita Rudner

If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman: she will be all ears.Sigmund Freud

Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.Jerry Seinfeld

Marriage is a wonderful institution… but who wants to live in an institution.Groucho Marx

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.Socrates